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[15 Jun 2005|10:52pm]
[ mood | irate ]

That bitch pissed me off. Chris needs to keep his new bitch on a leash.
She wrote things to me five months AFTER they started dating and we broke up for no apparent reason at all.

I deleted him as a friend on this journal.
I deleted him as a friend on myspace.
I finally took his number out of my phone.
His AIM name is no longer a part of my buddy list.

I HATE drama.

On the lighter side, John's pasta was good.
BATMAN BEGINS CAME OUT TODAY! I have to wait to see it on Friday, and then again on Saturday with Evan.

went wrong

[13 Jun 2005|11:26pm]
[ mood | content ]

I was happy all day today which is a change.
I couldn't stop dancing..
But I got written up at work because my dress was too short.
I got lots of compliments.
I took lots of pictures and put them on myspace so don't be lazy and go look.
Rachell is spending the night tonight. Yay!
My lip doesn't hurt as bad so that makes me happy too.
I'm gonna go gay off now.

went wrong

[12 Jun 2005|11:21pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I updated my layout, yay.
I gave myself a makeover. Well, sort of.
I went out and dyed my hair this redish-orange mix so it appears to have highlights and got a razorcut and it's really hot but UNFORTUNATELY my phone is being gay and it won't let me send pictures to the internet... grrr.
I also took out my labret and my nostril piercings. I replaced them with three new ones..
I pierced the right side of my lip twice with two hoops and I re-did my bridge piercing. I don't care if no one really likes the bridge, I do. I think I pull it off very nicely indeed.
I ate sushi today with Emily.
Then we ran through the rain and got soaked on our way to bug cigarette's.
Evan spent the last night and we hung out, watched movies and whatnot.. It was .. all right. Slightly boring. But all of life is slightly boring.
So now my bottom lip hurts like a bitch and it is partially swollen. Emsy bought me one of them as an early birthday present.. Less than a month till I am 21. Yikes.
I was over at Johns beating all the boys at Marvel vs. Capcom and Killer Instinct Gold but I got bored and had myself dropped off at the house.
Tomorrow is more work. Poopie.
I found another band. The Dresden Dolls. The guy plays drums while the girl sings and plays Piano. They are excellent.
I watched the Seed of Chucky.. that movie is very funny. I don't get the narration from Glen, though..
But the Turkey baster.. man.. Jennifer Tilly rocks.
Then I watched a John Waters film called Desperate Living...People, that man is insane. And his movies are by far the strangest and most grotesque thing I have ever seen filmed.. it rocked.
Okay, i'm done

went wrong

[09 Jun 2005|04:48am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I'm angry for two reasons.
Hotmail won't let me check my e-mail and my paycheck is direct deposit so it should have been in my account by now but it isn't and I called the bank so they could tell me I can't get it until tomorow.
I really wanted my money, damnit.
I saw Evan, Justin and Kristin last night. I came home with a list of band names that I have to buy.
John saved me some sushi. Yum..
MY CELL PHONE IS TURNED BACK ON! FINALLY. GOD. And I didn't lose my number.
To put it into my name is THREE hundred dollars because I don't have any credit yet..
So all of you can start calling me again, and "all of you" is like, 6 people. Because I am so fucking popular before I hangout with you I have to check my schedule to see if there is room to fit you in.
My neck hurts. So does my throat. It hurts everytime I sleep in my old bedroom at my parents house. I don't understand.
So I hate the Get-up kids for not playing a show in the South. The closest they come to here is PA and I have never seen them and I REALLY want to because they are breaking up, but NOOO God hates me and I'm screwed. Yup.
At least the Bravery and Hot Hot Heat are coming around.
I got Revenge of the Sith pirated now. I'm gonna watch it soon. Yeaaah.
And I kick Evan's ass as Anakin in the video game. I love vs. mode.
By the time I give everything all the money I owe them I will have 200 bucks left in my check. Of course, if I were to pay all of it all at once I would be in the negative. Ah, bills. That's a sign of growing up.
I'll be the big 2 1 in a little less than a month. Shiiiit.
Ending on that pleasant thought... I go bye bye.

1 thing(s) | went wrong

[07 Jun 2005|05:39am]
[ mood | lazy ]

God damn..

Water got all into the laptop and it went "bzzt" and died for a good week or two. It was my cup. I have to pay for it. Go me. (jinx.)
My Uncle died of a heart attack while mowing the lawn.. Turns out he tried to turn it off before he died but it wound up rolling unsupervised down the street. We can't go to the funeral even though my Uncle Max was trying to find a way for my mom. We sent flowers..
We went to the Faint and Bright Eyes show last week. It wasn't what I was expecting. NO ONE DANCED. Barely even Emily. It was me, by my lonesome, as usual.. acting like a fool. But even the band had to comment on how everyone was standing around like statues. They suck. And I got made fun of there, too. I don't even LISTEN to the cure and I am SEXIER than Robert Smith.
We saw Codeseven two days later with Anberline. We left before they started, needless to say.. Jeff remembered us, but he wound up working the merch table and we had already bailed outside so we didn't really get to talk to him.
At least the air works now.
I think we're getting a weiner dog named Mustafa.
Evan got for me a pirated copy of Episode III until it comes out on dvd. Sweeeet.
I was depressed the last day or two to the point of where I was losing the will to live. I don't know exactly why, or maybe I do.. I'm just not happy. I'm never happy, but I was realizing it more than ever those few days and just decided to show it by not responding to anyone, mopeing around the house and crying in my bedroom after everyone else had gone to sleep.
Mossey and Eric came over. I was hoping to feel better but it was so boring sitting around that it just made me even more upset at the lack of things to do and the fact that everything, everyone, everywhere is all the same..
I went to a local show with Eric and he met up with some friends and basically had me tag along for no reason at his heels while he ignored me and acknowledged me only at the end of the night to see if I was ready to go home. I was..
At least the repairs to the computer were only 250 and not 1500 for a whole new one.

the end.

went wrong

[29 May 2005|01:09am]
[ mood | hot ]

Listening to Sasha is so relaxing.. but at the same time it sucks because that means I am allowed to play it freely in my home because the AIR is BROKEN and no one is here to stop me like normal..
Well, it's not as hot right now to me as it was before. I guess because the fan is like, two inches away from my chair.
I bought two Cds today and of COURSE no one else thinks they are cool but me. Damn it. Well, I like them. I bought the Arcade Fire. Eric introduced me to them. They are really good. Remind me of a mix between Sigur Ros for Canadians and M83. I also bought a Cd by Air. They're nifty.
We spent the day out because it was too unbareable to be here. We went to Sound Exchange, out to eat at Applebee's and to the International mall.
Now Emily is off spending the night at Zells and John is at his flee infested apartment while I suffer here alone.
My chocolate is starting to melt.
Hart is going to teach me piano. Sweet! My first lesson is tomorrow I think. She is really good from what I have heard. She has a grand piano at her house that we can use.
I hope my entire weekend isn't like this.
I think we are for sure going to move to another apartment building. Probably Campus Walk.
God, I looooove this cd. I wish someone else did.
I hope I can sleep tonight.
I think I might cut my hair.. Just an inch, though. Maybe I should try strawberry blonde. Hmm...
Why does it have to be so difficult to find people here in Tampa to hangout with? Blargh.
I just need to go back to school. And I will. I promised myself before I turn 22 I will be enrolled in collge. Whee.

I can't decide if I feel like dancing, of if I feel like dying.

went wrong

[28 May 2005|12:54am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Yeah, so the air conditioner is broken over here .. AGAIN .. so I am by myself right now and Emily is sleeping over at Johns. It's not THAT hot in here, but I guess it could be up in their room at night, or so they say.
I won 60 dollars at work today. I actually won 100 in total for this entire month all because I basically do my job a little faster than everyone else.
We were going to eat out tonight but it's a Friday and everything was packed full of obnoxious people.
I made sure and I am off Moday .. and it's a paid vacation. W00t.
The Bravery are coming July 19th. I am excited. And the Faint is the 1rst, coming up real soon. Whee. Codeseven is coming back as well. Maybe Jeff will hangout with us again, that is if the show is in Tampa. I'm not sure.
I wish there was something more to do around here. I don't want to waste my entire weekend. I hate this place. It's so ... boring. Ugh.

went wrong

[27 May 2005|12:30am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I slept at my moms and woke up with a sore throat that lasted all day but went away around 7 or so.. Odd.
I watched a movie which really sucked, "Are we there yet?" with Ice Cube.. But it killed around 2 hours of work time and I had free food and some cheesecake.. mmm.
I got paid today and my check is pretty much gone, and no.. not because I blew it. I made a little over 500 and I gave 300 to Emily for rent, 50 to my parents to go on some of my hospital bills.. 95.60 to finally close my AOL account I haven't used in over four months, and 27 to buy some dinner for me and her, which... for Emily consisted of a Brownie / Ice Cream desert and a side of french fries... The damn waitress we had tried to charge me twice for my sandwich but we called her on it.
John was with Emily when they picked me up today. We all piled in the car and went to see Dredz for one thing or another, but the ride home struck me funny. All three of us, cruising down Polk County parkway while listening to the Moonlight Sonata. I had to laugh a little to myself.
I was also amused and somewhat pleased because the moment I walked into TGIF for some grub they were playing M83 over the speakers.
We were going to go see Revenge of the Sith again because it's FUCKING AWESOME, but Muvico somehow vanished from the face of the earth as we kept driving and driving deeper into New Tampa and it was nowhere to be found. Damn it.
I'm tired and full of good stuff. I am going to go to sleepy now.

went wrong

[24 May 2005|10:13pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]

Last night was actually very fun and I didn't have to share my bed with anyone.
I've never seen Eric in a mood like that and I thoroughly enjoyed it. He was laughing, joking around, kissing and hugging on me.. and the part where I was pinned to the floor and I couldn't move was especially enjoyable.. Though, he is a little rough and he gets that crazed look in his eye... He stepped out of character just for a moment to let me know none of this was serious then proceeded to taunt me with my ring he had stolen and wouldn't let me have back. I hope he acts like that more often.
He said the purpose of his visit was mostly to apologize to me for being a poor friend..?
He wasn't just, superty duperty depressed and/or acting like tough shit.
I called him on that, too.

Work sucked. Blah.

PARTY AT MOSSEY'S!!!!!!!!! I can't wait. One hour to go.


I get to spend the night at my mommy's tomorrow night. Whee...
Maybe I can chill with Evan some. If he wants me to...

I'm gonna go finish getting ready.

went wrong

[23 May 2005|10:33pm]
[ mood | weird ]

Eric and John are out getting beer. Ugh.
I hope he doesn't get so fucked up he tries to sleep in my bed again.
Work sucked. Like always.
I miss someone. Alot.
I miss my mom, too.
Do you ever wonder what life would be like had you not moved to where you are at now?
What if you spent your early years somewhere else entirely?
Who would you have met, where would you have gone, what would have happened, what would you have done differntly, who would you have fallen in love with?
I'd miss... maybe.. two people that I know now. I wouldn't care about anyone else.
I want that other life. That other life I somehow...passed up to get here.

Oh well.

went wrong

[22 May 2005|04:05am]
[ mood | blah ]

I went to Lakeland with Emily and Zell the other day.
We didn't do much. We went to the mall, to the comic book shop.. I jammed out on keyboards at the Guitar Center for a good hour.
I saw my mom.
We ate Sushi.....again. But hey, I love it.
I was in a sour mood half the time.
Maybe it is just because I am on my period. Meh, I don't know..

Today I cleaned my room.
I was trying to crazy glue something back together and I have glue all stuck to my fingers.
I watched the Empire Strikes Back last night by myself because I was bored.
I took a lot of old things out of boxes and scattered them about my room like it used to be.
Maybe I shouldn't of.

I want to go to the mall and get a cookies n cream milkshake.
John comes home today from the beach and all that means is he will take over the living room with the history channel, complain about how I don't close food properly and play video games while smoking pot twenty-four hours a day. He's cool, don't get me wrong. I just know that is exactly what will happen.

I think I only owe 700 on my hospital bills now. It was up to over 1,000.
I am just going to give my parents all of my spare money from now on until it is paid off.
I can't wait to go to college. I want to start right now, damnit.
I only talked to Evan once this week and when I did, I told him what I decided to do, then he seemed depressed and told me he had to go to bed for work the next day.
His Pixies shirt is still at my house.

I thought tomorrow was Memorial Day but it's not so I have to go to work. Shucks.
I feel like dying alot of days. Simply because I am so unhappy or simply because there is nothing to do and I am so bored I can't stand it.

Today feels like one of those days.

went wrong

[20 May 2005|04:43pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I was all dressed and ready to go to work today and Emily comes home with Zell in tow. I was all blah and they somehow managed to make me stay out of work though I really shouldn't have. Oh well. I'm glad I did. It was a good day for the most part.

I SAW STAR WARS!!!!! Oh my god... It was the best movie i've seen in years. I nearly cried at some parts. I got goosebumps. I barely blinked. I had to grab the seat. I squealed. It was too awesome for words. The lightsaber battles, the scenes where the Jedi are exterminated, General Grievous, Darth Vader... It was like two movies in one. I want to see it again.. And again, and again, and again...

Then we all went to Toys R Us and rummaged around the toys a bit.
Me and Emily had Sushi AGAIN.
I took a nap and in the process had a nightmare.

I dreamed that my dad died and my mom was sitting on the couch, staring off into space and I was yelling at her, asking "Why aren't you doing anything!?" Then I went outside and I hit the ground. I was holding my head and screaming and I didn't believe it.. Then I went to his car and tried to get in it and the headlights were flashing into the neighbors window and they came outside wondering what the hell was going on and then when I couldn't get the car to do what I wanted I came out and one of them said " Oh, I thought you were your dad coming home." and I threw the keys at them as hard as I could and screamed " MY dad is dead!!" I think something was mentioned that he was sick the past few days, throwing up.. and then he just... I don't know. It was scary. And I started to think about what the hell we were going to do with all his stuff.. and that I was right. He wouldn't/didn't live long enough to give me away when I got married... It was freakish.

We watched a special on VH1 about when Star Wars ruled the earth. I keep seeing commerials with Darth Vader in it and however much I love them, it makes me sad to know that it was the last Episode and in a few months they won't be running them anymore. =(

I wanted to go out again today but Emily was too lazy then I just got really tired.
Now i'm just downloading music off the internet.
I was watching Shrek 2 and I heard a song at the very end that surprised me.
It was sung by Frou Frou and it's awesome. So I went and found it.
Sweet! Beetlejuice cartoon theme!
I love Imesh.
I love having a cable modem.
Score!!! STAR WARS GANGSTA RAP! Luke I'm ya Father, I'm ya father.

Okay.. yeah..

I'm gonna go now.

went wrong

[18 May 2005|01:46pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Some girl at work I don't even know keeps smiling at me and asked me if I needed a ride home. Either she wants to be my friend or she is a lesbian.
John is at the beach for a week. Hm.
Emily is with Zell.
Eric is coming over soon. I haven't seen him in over a week or so.
I can't dispute my aol bill. That means I have to pay it. Rawr.
Emily is going to make me a tote bag for my birthday with a robot playing a keyboard. Sweet.
I think I have monday off thanks to Memorial Day. Whoo.
I'm getting Loyola Univeristy in New Orleans to send me some information on their courses. I'm definately gonna Major in Music Composition but I want to go to a Community College first. Just have to figure out which one.. and where.
I was driving to work this morning and I witnessed a bird fly into a car. Not a small one either, one of those big white ones that sit on sides of roads and highways for no reason.. Really long legs, big beak.. BAM. He died. I swurved to miss his body rushing towards me after it bounced off the windshield of the guy in front of me.
We're talking about going to the Pegasus Lounge. I guess it's porn and kareoke night. Hah..
C-3PO freaks me out at night. I come down the stairs and see this figure standing in the background and every time I have to look and see and there he is, all prissy and gold.. leering back at me.
I probably look like shit. I think I might go clean up a bit before I have a boy come over just because... that is what girls do before boys come over.. Yes.
Look pretty.
Aaah, orgasm. I love the bravery.
Emily's dancing session before she left was quite amusing and disturbing at the same time. I've never seen a womans ass move so hypnotically before.
bye bye

went wrong

[16 May 2005|04:43pm]
[ mood | numb ]

Tom wouldn't leave me alone at breaks.
I won twenty dollars today for nothing.
I found out a girl who used to work there's baby of three months died by suffocating itself. They can't pay for the funeral or a headstone and I felt bad so I gave five dollars to their collection.
Zell came to Lakeland with Emily and we all went to the mall.. Whooo.
Emsy bought me a Sasha and John Digweed cd. We also found a C-3PO standee at Fye in the mall for ten dollars so we snagged it and it talks.
My Oakenfold cd came today. I was happy. So did my purse. It's a brown tote bag thing with piano keys sewn into it, sort of popping out from the fabric..It's awesome.
I got to have some sushi. yummy.
Eric called me. I didn't feel like answering the phone so I let it ring.
Is it wrong to not care about hanging out with anyone other than the people you know so well?
Most of society is stupid. I hate being out in public. Life is boring and unfair.
I don't really trust anyone but a few I can count on one hand.
I decided what I want to do with my life. My career. Haha.. Some people might think it's lame or that I can't do it.. well, of course I can't do it right now, I have to go to college first. I want to be a composer for tv and movies. I'm not even talking Danny Elfman stature. Of course at first I would start small. Probably commercials or something. But i'd like to do that or maybe video game OST's or if that doesn't work I can start smaller.. say recording music for some label or something. Creating your own scores for things entails knowledge on recording anyway.. I guess that means I need to major in music or go to some artsy university...
I got this idea from watching the extra's on the life aquatic if that makes any sense. And I love everything music so why the hell not? It would be a dream to surround myself in equipment and fuck with machines all day to invent something great.
John and I reflected on the good old highschool days for an hour or so. That was.. nostalgic.
Everyone is in bed early and I am awake and bored watching all in the family.
Every time I think of the faint coming to play I get excited. I can't wait. I hope me and Emily can make John and Zell come out of their shells and dance a little. I know I will be drenched to the bone in my own sweat by the time their sets are over.
My neck hurts.
I want a boyfriend.
I'm full of food.
I guess I should go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow for.. yes.... that.. thing I do every day for eight hours straight.

went wrong

[12 May 2005|02:11pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I like my new layout.

I am going to Lakeland for the weekend.
I get to wash clothes.
I get to see Rachell.
I'm keeping Evan company while his mom is in Georgia and his roommates are in Georgia, too... Though a completely different city than his mother. Yeah.

So that means I have to drag my dirty clothes, all my shit to change into and my keyboard ( ...?) to work tomorrow. Haha, that will be fun.

Today was stupid and boring.
The end.

went wrong

[11 May 2005|01:50am]
[ mood | cold ]

I got pulled over by a cop.
I was speeding.
He let me off on my good looks.

I feel like shit...Why?
Because I am making someone else feel like shit and I don't mean to.

I find myself pulling away from his lips for the millionth time.
He gives up.. or does he?
It would be better off if he did.
I hate myself. I asked him to please not hate me.
All he did was hug me.
All he was, was nice to me.
I had to drag myself from the bed.
He says I can't do it. I don't have the will. I don't find him my "physical criteria"

Where the hell did he get those words?
That's why I cried half way home.. until the policeman searched her car and asked for the registration which took me nearly ten minutes to find.

I'm such a bad guy.
Such a tease.
Such a worthless girl.

I want to make you happy..
But you're right.
I can't.
I can't will myself to do it.

There is blood on my jacket..
No one needs to know why.
He thinks it's hot.
And he tastes good too.

Mother fucker....

someone kill me.

He begged me not to leave.
I didn't want to...
But I have to work tomorrow and so does she..

I'm torn apart.
He doesn't deserve this.
I sat on the floor with my head down against the ground until he called my name.
He knows how I feel. I know how he feels. Why can't...why....




I wish I could see the future so I would know if my life was worth living. If not, I could kill myself right now.

went wrong

[08 May 2005|09:11pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I went to the beach, yeah.. I didn't even get in the water. I would probably burn if I went out into the sun anyway.
We spent forever looking for Mother's Day gifts.. We finally both settle on the safe thing to do. Dvds.
Oh, and a card too.

I stayed up till 3 AM watching the Last Samurai by myself. It was decent... but it kind of suckered me in.

John seems happy to have Emily home.
Eric might come over later.
I don't want to work tomorrow.

Since i've moved away my parents have obtained a new tv/dvd/vhs player, a new bed for my room, cable, a new couch, a new dining room table, bookshelves.. Jesus. I see how it is. They were just waiting for it. Hah.

I got a free cd today from Evan, though I didn't find the one i've been looking for for two days. I guess I might have to order it. Bah.

I can't wait to get paid again this week. I need to quit missing days though. I just can't help myself. I get so sick of that place.. Eh, it's a job.

Emily humped me all day Saturday. Even she can't resist my power of seduction. Muhahaha! Ahem. I <3 you.
Sushi was good.
It sucked we missed the movie.
What was up with those protesters?
I want to go back to that shop and buy the 500$ replica blaster gun. Haha.
We need that Beetlejuice cookie jar, too.

Whatever, tired of typing.
And someone on tv says that the Yhetti's are " some kind of bear."

went wrong

[30 Apr 2005|12:11pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Oh god.

What am I doing?

What have I gotten myself into?

I can't do it.

It doesn't feel right.

I don't want to ruin your weekend.

Shit... shit shit shit.

went wrong

[11 Apr 2005|11:12pm]
[ mood | tired ]

So yes, at 10 PM yesterday night our electricity went out for no apparent reason at all and we were forced to spend the night at Johns house. While they have beds, I'm stuck with the couch. Oh well, I am used to roughing it. I got woken up at least four times by his roommates going to work and the cats yowling, but whatever. I'm a heavy sleeper. And John is a good host.

Work was boring. However terrible I am at drawing that's pretty much what I did all day long.

Funny how things work out. I spy a guy that I want... and a day later him and his girlfriend break up. Yesssss.. He lives in Tampa. I hope to talk with him enough so that we can hang-out sometime soon. Mm...mommy.

Now another fun filled night of sleeping on the sofa until I have to get up and slave away on the phones.

At least that pay check is coming Thursday..

I hope the power fucking gets fixed tomorrow so I can sleep in my own god damn bed.

Time for Iron Chef and video games.

went wrong

[10 Apr 2005|01:52am]
A day at the beach.

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(The infamous "sand keyboard")

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( Oh yeah. Rock on.)

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(We're fucking sexy and you know it.)
went wrong

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